ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize
