I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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