He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
