lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
