I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
