Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
