At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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