found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
