You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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