Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
