Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
