I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
