that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
