omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
