I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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