elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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