I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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