Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
