You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
