Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
