she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
