I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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