no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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