There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
