allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
handjob tips. give me some.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
