fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
