So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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