If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
that is very illegal...i love you.
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