we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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