well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
