He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
