i permit you to call me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
