the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
