i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
