we're blogging at a bar
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
