If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
