Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
