Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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