Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
