This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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