After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
