I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
