woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
