Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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