she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
