there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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