thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
