I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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