I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
