Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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