my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
