so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
