I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
