I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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